Last night, I was bathing Will and Henry together in my bathroom. A mama of 9 turned me on to this bath cushion which has been the BEST thing for Will and now Henry, especially conducive to cute brotherly bonding in the bathtub. :)
Anyway, I had Will lay his head down on the left side of Henry's cushion so I could wash his hair. As I was rubbing the water gently down his scalp, I noticed that he had inadvertently laid his head on top of Henry's left arm... but far from disliking it, Henry wrapped his chubby little arm around his brother's neck, laying a paw tentatively on Will's shoulder.
It was beautiful.
They are beautiful.
As any followers of this rambley blog will know, I spent the greater part of my pregnancy with Henry worrying about losing something special in my one-on-one relationship with Will. I was equal parts excited and reluctant for the change; actively and happily daydreaming about life with two while also mourning the end of a very dear season.
But making the slideshow for last post was a big shocker for me... I realized for the first time, that since Henry has come, Will orbits around him faithfully. It didn't hit me until I looked at the pics of him before Henry. He looked so.... lonely. Incomplete.
Now, don't misunderstand me - life with these two dudes is rarely sentimental in the moment. Will is always hitting, poking, throwing cars at, crushing, and squeezing poor little Henry. Since his birth, Henry has a special cry reserved ONLY for moments that Will has physically wounded him. It is a lip-quivering, heartbroken, tattle-tale wail and so Will never gets away with something that I didn't see. But I guess in the midst of all my Mama-Bearness in protecting Henry from Will's antics and trying to entertain and love on Will while also nursing and caring for Henry, I didn't catch how Will revolves steadily and sweetly around his little brother, already. Henry may not be able to quite play with Will yet, but he certainly keeps him company, as was vividly obvious to me looking at pictures from this time last year. Will is already thriving with the attention and quiet companionship of his chubby little brother.
I honestly was shocked at how I looked at pictures from last year and teared up most from happiness over the beauty of Henry coming and the promise of new life that we lived on preparing for his birth into our little family. I really didn't feel emotional missing Will being my baby before Henry - not when I couldn't help seeing the evident completeness and happiness that Will has just being around Henry right now, helpless blob that he is.
I will always hold the memories of my first two years with just Will in a very special place in my heart. And it was absolutely hard to let go of them and move on. But seeing the joy I have given Will with the mere presence of Henry in his life far surpasses all of that, to the point that I don't even have to choose to not look back wistfully.
I get it now.
Labels: 2nd baby, babies, family planning, raising two, something good
