Do you have an unfulfilled dream? One that you always come back to... that you can never seem to quite outgrow or forget?
It has always been my secret dream to be a soundtrack composer. To write music that makes my audience irresistably feel a certain way, whatever way I want them to... A really good soundtrack can manipulate your emotions and imagination without you even realizing it. The rising and falling of the music can take you vividly to the ocean, without even needing the accompanying scene of a movie in front of your eyes. A well-crafted soundtrack can make you see a field in the rain; far off stars in the summer sky; a running brook in the woods. It can make you cry, laugh, tremble in fear, long for love.
I just thought it was so magical; ever since I was a girl, I found myself noticing soundtracks ..... in fact, a long time ago, I realized the trick to saving my pride at sleepovers during really scarey (for overimaginative 11 year old me) movies by simply plugging my ears. Even the darkest shots of a movie were meaningless and ineffective without that chilling minor key piano in the background!....
I then began to write little tunes of my own whenever I was particularly moved by a poem or a story, or often simply a place in my head -like a beach in the moonlight - and I found these songs had the beautifully nostalgic effect of taking me back to the memory of the feelings and passions I had at the moment I composed them.
Art is so essential for the human soul; it so necessary for us to express our hidden, intangible desires and longings. And yet, though I believe that it does overflow naturally and effortlessly from a powerful "moment" - it is so easy to second guess! So quick to give fear of failure and "wrong"ness - for instance, I often erase lines of poetry or prose; I often forget about melodies I create. I feel like its "wrong" - not complete, not perfect, not exactly what it ought to be.
I think this is because in becoming an Artist, the human person steps into God's shoes, if only for a split second. We create, out of love of our creation, out of the need to give life. And then, after that powerful moment, when we step back and realize that we just did something entirely beyond our normal capacity, we shrink away in fear of "messing up" something which we do not feel great enough to claim as our own.
How many of us do this regularly? How many of us could move others, could bring greater beauty into the world if only we embraced the moments God shares with us out of the generosity of His heart?