Yesterday, in the finally cool October air, Mr Baby accompanied me to Costco after morning Mass. (Poor Jason had to stay home with the Magnificat because he was experiencing bad back spasms all weekend).
I don't know what it is about this store, but I just love it so much!
I think it has to do with the anticipation it builds, not knowing what wonderful deals you will find each new week. I love surprises, so I always get excited on the drive over to Costco.
This particular weekend, I found this gorgeous peacoat, from designer Michael Kors!!
I was sorely tempted to buy it... This southern girl is in sore need of real, warm coats. I own a rain jacket and a thin little polyester dress coat.
However I am proud to say I resisted the splurge urge. I felt it would be irresponsible to spend money on myself when we are set to close on our first home this coming Thursday (stay tuned for a detailed post to come allll about this very exciting adventure!).
As I ruefully folded the coat and placed it back on the table, I thought about my many desires as I finished up my shopping. It seems I have always had a running "wishlist" in my head, ever since I was a little girl.
I tend to worry about this, to be scrupulous and anxious. One of my favorite saint quotes is St. Augustine's: "Our hearts are restless until they rest in You, O Lord". Does my constant yearning for all that is good, beautiful, and true in life indicate a failure to rest in the Lord? If I were totally focused on Christ, shouldn't I stop desiring things?
I have often asked myself these questions. But my desires are not always for shallow things like cheery little red designer coats. For instance, during this same shopping trip, when I strapped Will into the Costco kiddie seat of the cart, I realized for the first time that it's actually made to seat not 1, but 2 little bottoms!
Before I knew it, I was hit by that familiar surge of excitement and desire as I imagined how joyful it would be to have two chubby inquisitive little faces to smile at as I shopped. Up til now, I have felt quite "full" so to speak with my one handful of a strong-willed baby. It was with a great deal of surprise that I found myself feeling anticipation for the day I have a small brood of beautiful children to watch over and love on.
The Psalmist so beautifully reminds us: "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart". The psalm doesn't say "and He will take away all your desires".
Perhaps the answer to my worries is that not all desires are a sign of inner restlessness or a self-centered discontent. Sometimes desire can be God's way of gently preparing your heart for a gift He WANTS to give you!
In the meantime, I am working on counting my blessings with gratitude as I wait on the Lord to fulfill the desires of my heart. I have so much to be thankful for - my amazing husband, my precocious son, and my soon-to-be cozy little house!
I feel at peace just knowing I can trust the Lord with all the keen hunger I have for the good and beautiful things in life.
And I gotta say, I love the feeling of anticipation! Its even more exciting than driving to Costco.
Labels: anticipation, contentment, desires of the heart, gratitude, peace, something true