Is it normal to be so mournful to lose a sweet, quiet season with one little one, as much as you are SO EXCITED for a new baby?
I really didn't get "baby fever" before we decided to try to for numero dos. I love children - and duh I love babies! - but I felt 100% satisfied with my
baby. When people started asking us when we'd have another, I'd be kind of shocked because I'd look at Will and be like, He's still a baby!
Honestly, he just recently stopped feeling like a baby-baby to me... the bigger vocabulary, the expressive faces, etc, have combined to make me miss my baby a little. Then he has a particularly snuggly post-nap afternoon and my heart aches when I realize I will not long have the luxury of just pretty much dropping everything for these couch cuddles.
I am grateful that I am pregnant, because it made me really fully appreciate my time with Little Will. I love kids, but I am not a craftsy, hands-on, lets sing nursery songs together type mama. [Reason 563747 this homeschooled girl will NOT be homeschooling her family lol]. Knowing our time just the two of us is so limited has helped push me to actively do more fun things with him. We have consequently been going to our beautiful playground most sunny mornings. Will calls this a "Happy Dayyyy!!" And he's so right... with the birds chirping, the breezes gently blowing, and the sun coming through the trees... its pretty much the recipe for perfect contentment.
We are so lucky to have such a sweet old playground in a sleepy treeish neighborhood, a few blocks away from our home.
I sit and talk with him while he runs around, and we look out for "Yucky Durrty Nakes" together (basically any hole in the ground is fair game as the evil abode of a yucky dirty snake). Oh also, apparently, where there are Yucky Nakes there are also Bad Bears come to look for Will's. We have to hide occasionally until they give up and leave. [I picture them when he talks about them as this cartoonish pair that amble slowly up the road together grumbling about finding Will. Got to wonder where my 2 year old gets his vivid imagination, right?]
Yesterday, watching the apple of my eye enjoying his Happy Day, it struck me - I still don't think of myself as a mama. I just think of Will as this wonderful adorable perfect small person who belongs irrevocably in my life. I guess that's why, regardless of the many posts of how cute my kid is, I've never thought of my blog as a Mommy Blog. I wonder if this feeling will change with my second child? Or will I just feel like I have two wonderful adorable perfect small persons who are mine to love and be with?
Seriously - I know I'm biased but HE IS SO BEAUTIFUL!
This season is slipping through my fingers. I have 10 weeks left. Give or take. I am so so so excited to meet this new baby but the idea of leaving this season behind is breaking my heart just a little. Am I crazy?
Labels: early mama, motherhood, pregnancy, something beautiful, toddler