Post-Vacay, Pre-Post-Partum Pondering

our beautiful rental at Edisto

Our week at the beach has thrown me off of my writing groove for many reasons.

It was unbelievably refreshing to be on retreat from the internet. I turned off my Cellular Data the Sunday afternoon that we arrived at the beach house, and didn't miss it once! No emails to answer, no comments to make, no updates... all was quiet and I needed the peacefulness.

Then my body sort of crashed. I kept trying to do the things I have always done when at the beach... walking down to the shore at every opportunity, enjoying the sand and waves with Will, playing with Will in the pool... riding the rental bike with Will for hours, hours, every day. 

And I couldn't keep up.

It was emotional to realize that I couldn't just enjoy the little beachy honeymoon Will and I have had the past 3 times we've been at the beach together. I had to accept my body's many limitations and love on Will a little differently. It felt like I had almost all the limitations I will have with a new baby... except, as I sobbed to Jason when I had a major emotional meltdown on Wednesday of our beach week, without that new baby in my hands to make up for the sacrifice.

It was still lovely. I am so blessed with the World's Most Lovable Motherinlaw, who really has embraced me as the daughter she never had... and her lovely sisters, who were so eager to shower us with love and run after Will whenever I needed a break (which was more often than I wanted to admit, in which case they read my mind and pushed me to lay down as they whisked Will away for an adventure). 

And we made some happy memories. Will talked up a storm about "yarks" (sharks), and he developed a massive crush on Jason's cousin Ridgely's lovely blond wife Ashton, calling out "Atton, Atton?!" all the day long - and then getting suddenly shy when she was around him.

We snuggled in bed together after "family naps" and realized the bittersweetness of this being Will's last trip ever to be able to sleep in a Pack n' Play. 

We listened to the waves and played in the sand each day. 

And I think Will may have a little bit more of my tan skin than I thought!:

We watched storms roll in nearly every day, weeding out the true beach lovers from less nature-friendly crowd, who fled with their massive boomboxes and entire sets of outdoor furniture at the first rain drop, leaving us to enjoy the rapid storms that breeze past so quickly and so majestically
 on the shoreline. 

And I could ride a bike for at least one hour (!), as long as Jason was there to take the one with the babyseat :). We had some sweet little family bikerides, upon which Jason would muse sentimentally that these were our last ones as just a threesome. And then I would cry, wobbling along behind him and Will, my knees grazing my belly as I pedaled. 

It was a happy albeit bittersweet week, and has left me in somewhat of a waiting trance - hence the sudden silence on Instagram and my blog. I feel like I felt on the beach those afternoons, watching the beautiful July thundershowers rolling in... embracing the silence and the peace and choosing to find the beauty in even the rain and the clouds. I am a bit frozen in time - I don't do much these days, except wash precious little infant clothes from the attic, and lay on the couch reading to my occasionally-snuggly-toddler. I am tired, and I am watchful and awake most nights, as my body adjusts ever so gradually to the new schedule of night-time feedings it senses is around the corner.

I discovered at my OB appointment last week that I am already showing signs of the ability to go into labor at any day now. I'm trying to hold out for the end of this week, when I will be 38 weeks and Jason will be done with the hardest test for his Finance class. But the idea that any moment could start the exciting and joyful ushering into the world of our new little son is unbelievably exciting to me!

A p.s. As my final "maternityshmernity" tribute - poor Cams has been the loveliest and most understanding friend possible this pregnancy, but I have woefully neglected the series I excitedly talked her into letting me do 9 months ago! However, I just wanted to share - it does work! I haven't had to go out and get a new maternity wardrobe in the last month... the shorts I am wearing below were GapMaternity, but that pretty white cotton top was a gift from my husband that he found at Anthropologie two years before. [I married a man who actually appreciates the artsiness of Anthro. Be jealous.]
Behold me, 9 months pregnant, on the left... and in the same top, zero months pregnant on the right.



Its not even a size "large" - Anthro is just drapey that way. And I liked the way it looked pre-pregnant tucked in to little shorts or my skinniest skinny jeans. 

I hope you all are enjoying the fresh tomatoes and zucchini and manicures and pool parties and tank tops of the last month of summer! I will try to get my ish together enough to put up a few last big belly pics on Instagram. Jason says I look like I am about to fall over face forward, my belly is so disproportionately huge. Though if you ask me, I feel huge all over!  

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